'You'll have to write an author biography of course.'
'Oh? Why?'
'Because people will want to know something about you before they lash out on buying one of your books.'
'You think so, do you?'
'Just do it, okay?'
'So what do I tell them?'
'For a start, you should mention that you've written four plays that were professionally produced and toured throughout the UK.'
'Should I say anything about all the temp jobs I had, like working in the towels and linens stockroom at Debenhams or as a fitter's mate in a perfume factory?'
'No, definitely not.'
'Motorcycle dispatch rider?'
'You were sacked, weren't you?'
'Boss said he could get a truck there quicker.'
'Leave it out then, but make sure they know that you've written five books, and don't forget to put in something that shows you're vaguely human.'
'You mean this kind of thing: "I'm currently in Greece with my wife, Penny, two cats and five rescue dogs and working on a new novel and a couple of screenplays".'
'It'll have to do, I suppose, and then finish off with your website and social media stuff.'
'Oh, okay then.'

* Website at https://www.rob-johnson.org.uk
* @RobJohnson999 on Twitter
* Facebook author page at https://www.facebook.com/RobJohnsonAuthor